If you’re a NewSpringer you know this already, but for those of you who may not get to attend, in the current series, Love Songs, people are texting me questions during the talk. At the end of each service I answer some of the most frequently asked, but unfortunately, I only get to a handful. For the next few days, Mary Alice and I are going to try to tackle some of the others. Today, I’m going to take a crack at one of my favorites.
To set it up, in the first talk, I warned guys about making unfavorable comparisons of their wives to other women. I guess that prompted this one…
How do you handle the situation when the woman he constantly compares you to is his mother?
Bet your first inclination is to pack him up and drop him off at her door, but before it comes to that, try to help him see three things that he’s not getting.
- I doubt he realizes how painful this is for you. There’s nothing wrong with him remembering some positive quality his mother possesses, but when he uses that quality to show you up, he’s no longer honoring his mom, he’s inflicting damage on you. Let him know, not in an accusative tone, but in an instructive way that his words hurt!
- Guys sometimes get the idea that the way to inspire their wives is to point out other women who are doing something better. Most guys have no idea how much pressure women put on themselves to measure up favorably to other women, and when the man whom they look to for comfort makes them feel inadequate, it has a devastating effect. Help him understand that kind of unfavorable comparison doesn’t inspire you, it makes you feel like shutting down.
- The obvious. You’re not his mom. You’re his wife. She may have strengths you don’t have, you have strengths she doesn’t, but that’s not the main point. The first thing the Bible says about marriage is in Genesis 2:24. God says a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife. Remind him that you are his wife, and to the best of your power, and within reason, you want to do the things that will please him, but at the end of the day, you are who you are, the woman God made you to be. You’re not his mom, you’re not trying to be her, and although you honor who she is in his life, you’re his WIFE!