Mark and I were out for a little walk yesterday and as we usually do, we had music playing to help us keep a good pace. We hadn’t gone far before we saw a lady coming toward us on the opposite side of the street. As she came up almost parallel to us, she shouted something that I couldn’t quite make out, so I asked Mark to repeat it for me. He said, “She said it isn’t even Thanksgiving yet!” Read More
Another Question from Love Songs:
What, with your experience with couples, do you feel is the most important key to a long happy marriage?
Unconditional love.
Long marriages are not always happy. This is a reality because life is not always happy. Living life as partners means you love on the good days and you love on the not-so-good days. You love when you don’t “feel like” loving. You love when your love is not reciprocated. You love when the future looks good and you love when it looks like there is no future. Read More
One of the questions that came in during the Love Songs series:
You said we as women are called to respect! Your husband is a godly man following biblical values! But you as the women find it hard to show respect! How?
First of all, we women need to remember that our “nature” is not to respect, it is to control (see Genesis 3). One of the first strategies to gain control, is to assume a superior position. I believe that is why so many women systematically dismantle their husband’s self-esteem. She is quick to point out each of his faults and failures and trumpet her own successes. A woman may say — even to herself — that she is providing constructive criticism to make her husband and their marriage better, but in reality this behavior is very destructive to both.
Back to the question, “How do you respect?” My answer would be that you choose to respect. Make a decision to stop looking for faults, stop all criticism (contructive or not) and start building up each attribute or action you see in your husband that you admire. Look hard for every positive thing and express admiration and gratitude sincerely and often.
Mary Alice
If you’re a NewSpringer you know this already, but for those of you who may not get to attend, in the current series, Love Songs, people are texting me questions during the talk. At the end of each service I answer some of the most frequently asked, but unfortunately, I only get to a handful. For the next few days, Mary Alice and I are going to try to tackle some of the others. Today, I’m going to take a crack at one of my favorites.
To set it up, in the first talk, I warned guys about making unfavorable comparisons of their wives to other women. I guess that prompted this one…
How do you handle the situation when the woman he constantly compares you to is his mother?
Bet your first inclination is to pack him up and drop him off at her door, but before it comes to that, try to help him see three things that he’s not getting.
- I doubt he realizes how painful this is for you. There’s nothing wrong with him remembering some positive quality his mother possesses, but when he uses that quality to show you up, he’s no longer honoring his mom, he’s inflicting damage on you. Let him know, not in an accusative tone, but in an instructive way that his words hurt!
- Guys sometimes get the idea that the way to inspire their wives is to point out other women who are doing something better. Most guys have no idea how much pressure women put on themselves to measure up favorably to other women, and when the man whom they look to for comfort makes them feel inadequate, it has a devastating effect. Help him understand that kind of unfavorable comparison doesn’t inspire you, it makes you feel like shutting down.
- The obvious. You’re not his mom. You’re his wife. She may have strengths you don’t have, you have strengths she doesn’t, but that’s not the main point. The first thing the Bible says about marriage is in Genesis 2:24. God says a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife. Remind him that you are his wife, and to the best of your power, and within reason, you want to do the things that will please him, but at the end of the day, you are who you are, the woman God made you to be. You’re not his mom, you’re not trying to be her, and although you honor who she is in his life, you’re his WIFE!
Mark
Remember the old Aretha Franklin song about a woman needing respect from the guy in her relationship? Actually, the real history of the song is a little different. Turns out it wasn’t written by Aretha; Otis Redding wrote and released it first, as the plea of a man for respect from a woman. (Check out the Wikipedia article on the song.)
Last week in Love Songs, my talk was on a man’s need for respect from a woman, and in each of the services I read a list that I compiled from a meeting with twelve NewSpring guys. The list was the responses from two questions I asked them. What makes you feel respected? What makes you feel disrespected? I went through the answers so fast that a number of you asked if I would give them again, so here they are.
What makes you feel respected?
1. Appreciation
2. Pleasant tone of voice
3. Comments of praise (especially made about him to others)
4. The feeling that he can be himself around her
5. When she goes out of her way to please him
6. Physical touch
7. The words, “I’m proud of you.”
What makes you feel disrespected?
1. The feeling of not being needed
2. Being down on her priority list
3. Being talked down to
4. Being criticized by someone and she doesn’t defend
5. Trying hard to please her but nothing seems to
6. Dishonesty
This weekend we’re talking about The Climb, the challenge of making marriage work for a lifetime. I can’t wait to get started.
Mark
It’s hard to believe that summer has come to a close — but what a summer! We had some great times with family — especially Jared and Jessica’s wedding on July 31. Here’s a few photo highlights from that day. (Special thanks to Barbara Hotalen and Jessica’s cousin for the pics.)
In addition to Hoover family additions this year, we have celebrated NewSpring family additions with almost 300 people going public with their faith at Watermark 09.
Last weekend we had a great Starting Point Orientation with five new groups beginning Sept 12-13. By the way, there’s still time to sign up if you’re interested.
The new message series “Love Songs” also begins Sept 12-13. Mark, Lance and the entire team have been preparing for this series for months and even though I get some previews, I can’t wait to see it all come together.
Speaking of “coming together,” I hope many more NewSpringers will consider making Saturday their preferred time to attend worship. I think there’s just a little more energy in the room on Saturdays and there’s definitely more music with XL. The main goal, of course, is to make more room for first time guests at 11 on Sundays. So give Saturday a try!
It’s been a lovely vacation down here in Texas. After Mark spent the first couple of days in meetings, we enjoyed a couple of days of family get-togethers and then enjoyed being tourists here in our hometown. Last Saturday, June 6th was the 24th anniversary of the day we moved to Wichita. Today has been extra special as it is our 32nd wedding anniversary.
We look forward to being back home this weekend.
#10 You won’t really die.
John 11:25-26 (NLT)
25 Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. 26 Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die.
#9 You will still be you.
Luke 9:28-31 (NLT)
28 About eight days later Jesus took Peter, James, and John up on a mountain to pray. 29 And as he was praying, the appearance of his face was transformed, and his clothes became dazzling white. 30 Then two men, Moses and Elijah, appeared and began talking with Jesus. 31 They were glorious to see. And they were speaking about his exodus from this world, which was about to be fulfilled in Jerusalem.
#8 There’ll be no stopping you.
2 Corinthians 5:1 (NLT)
For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands.
#7 You will live the way you were designed to live.
2 Corinthians 5:5 (NLT)
5 God himself has prepared us for this,2 Corinthians 5:2-5 (THE MESSAGE)
Sometimes we can hardly wait to move — and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what’s coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we’re tired of it! We’ve been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! 5 The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.
#6 You’re going to be seriously upgraded.
1 Corinthians 15:35-38 (NLT)
35 But someone may ask, “How will the dead be raised? What kind of bodies will they have?” 36 What a foolish question! When you put a seed into the ground, it doesn’t grow into a plant unless it dies first. 37 And what you put in the ground is not the plant that will grow, but only a bare seed of wheat or whatever you are planting. 38 Then God gives it the new body he wants it to have.
1 Corinthians 15:42-44 (THE MESSAGE)
42 This image of planting a dead seed and raising a live plant is a mere sketch at best, but perhaps it will help in approaching the mystery of the resurrection body — but only if you keep in mind that when we’re raised, we’re raised for good, alive forever! 43 The corpse that’s planted is no beauty, but when it’s raised, it’s glorious. Put in the ground weak, it comes up powerful. 44 The seed sown is natural; the seed grown is supernatural — same seed, same body, but what a difference from when it goes down in physical mortality to when it is raised up in spiritual immortality!
#5 Check out your model home.
1 John 3:2 (NIV)
2 Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him,
#4 You’ll be tangible but not limited by matter.
John 20:19-20 (NLT)
19 That Sunday evening the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! “Peace be with you,” he said. 20 As he spoke, he showed them the wounds in his hands and his side.
#3 You’re going to eat.
Luke 24:41-43 (NLT)
41 Still they stood there in disbelief, filled with joy and wonder. Then he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” 42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, 43 and he ate it as they watched.
#2 Perfection
Revelation 21:3-4 (NLT)
3 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”Revelation 22:1-5 (NLT)
22 Then the angel showed me a river with the water of life, clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb. 2 It flowed down the center of the main street. On each side of the river grew a tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, with a fresh crop each month. The leaves were used for medicine to heal the nations.
3 No longer will there be a curse upon anything. For the throne of God and of the Lamb will be there, and his servants will worship him. 4 And they will see his face, and his name will be written on their foreheads. 5 And there will be no night there—no need for lamps or sun—for the Lord God will shine on them.
#1 You have nothing to fear.
Hebrews 2:14-15 (NLT)
14 Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. 15 Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying.
Today I am in Atlanta attending the third day of an awesome conference called “Drive.” I was invited to come as a part of the Starting Point Advisory Board. Starting Point was developed here at North Point Community Church and they continue to update and improve it with new and fresh ideas. If you are wondering what Starting Point is, you can check us out at newspring.org/startingpoint. There are new SP groups forming at NewSpring every 6 to 8 weeks.
Just in time for Mother’s Day, last Friday, May 1, our granddaughter, Summer Juliette Hoover, was born, weighing in at a little over 6 lbs. She is absolutely beautiful as is her sister, Cheyenne. We are very thankful for our children and grandchildren by birth and by marriage. God is very good to us! (If you Facebook, our son, Jonathan has some awesome pictures uploaded.)
We had over 50 people at the Discovery Reception last Sunday. If you missed it, but would like to attend the next Discovery, registration is open for June 28. We have a great time in Discovery! Of course, my favorite part is just getting to know all the people who are new to NewSpring.
Tonight is First Wednesday, but not just your average First Wednesday — we will have an official groundbreaking for the new Kid’s Building. What an exciting day! I can’t wait to see this building start going up! Besides all the amazing new Kid’s space, there will be many other improvements to the main building that we will all enjoy.
Please pray for our safe travel as Debbie Kubish and I fly home this afternoon. See you at First Wednesday!
As we anxiously await the arrival of our granddaughter, Summer, I’m reminded of the feelings I had with the arrival of each of our children. It would seem that all the love we had was invested in the children who were already in our family, but with the birth of each child, God increased our store of love so that we had more to give to the new arrival. It is hard to imagine another grandchild as wonderful as Cheyenne, but I’m sure that God will increase our love to shower on little Summer. There’s always room for more!
At NewSpring, there is always room for more as well! This Sunday is our next Discovery Reception, which is a unique opportunity to learn more about NewSpring and how you can get involved. You’ll hear from the NewSpring leadership team and have an opportunity to ask any questions you may have. There are still about 20 places available, so if you’re new to NewSpring, come join us this Sunday, May 3, from 9:15 to noon. You can register online.
If you’ve heard about the new Kid’s building, but would like to get more details, you’re invited to come to a Full Access Group. Opportunities are about to come to an end for Full Access Groups, but there is still room on April 29 and May 7. On Wednesday, April 29, childcare is provided, but you don’t need to have children to attend. You can register online.
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